My dirty little sin

Recently a friend wrote a post that made something go click in my brain.  All of a sudden the walls crumbled around me.  I realized I had sinned in my marriage and made myself think it was ok.  Kinda.  It made me realize deeper and deeper that I had a dirty little sin and I didn’t even know it.
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This sin in my marriage- it felt like when you realize you’ve sinned and can’t really admit it to yourself out loud because ‘to you’ it feels like this enormous sin that people will see as a big red pimple on your face. Yeah that.

I couldn’t face that.  I couldn’t face just one more thing I’d been doing wrong. One more sin added to my list.  I thought and prayed about it and realized that I’d been ignoring my sin because of a couple of reasons.
1. I thought that while growing up I was treated a certain way, and I was thinking that I could just blame it on my childhood.
2. I thought since I had recognized my sin, that I knew through Gods word that it was wrong and that I was shameful and repenting to God- that I was fine and all is forgiven.

WRONGO!
Now of course we are always forgiven.  However I had never confessed my sin out loud to my husband OR asked for forgiveness.  I had never considered putting his needs and our marriage before my own reconciliation.
I thought that because I knew Gods word that I was good, so to speak. I had realized my sin and was working on ‘fixing’ it so I was in the clear.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.  My husband needs to know that I need his forgiveness.  I need to make his needs a priority in my life and he needs to see that in me.  Even if my love isn’t perfect, it’s forgiven.  My husband should have the opportunity to forgive and love me.  Forgiveness and love go hand in hand.  You can’t have one without the other, especially in a marriage.

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I had forgotten that.  Plus I’m not so good at being loved.  I don’t feel lovable, I don’t feel worthy.  Whew, I said it out loud.  That was a little rough coming out.
My pride has gotten in my own way.  I have always known that I’m forgiven by God.  No matter what.  But my low self esteem won’t let me feel that love.  Not that deep unrelenting love.  It’s unfathomable and that’s why it’s so awesome…..and a gift.

And that’s my dirty little sin.  I have a hard time accepting love. But I’m working on it.  And my true Father knows that.

What sin are you struggling with?  Is God working on anything in you right now?

Rest is GOOD & how I found my Fringe hours- book review

Well hello there.  I’ve been MIA for quite awhile.  While I decided to take a short break, God let me know I needed quiet a long break and a good rest for my soul.  It’s been nice to recover from an illness that left me in bed for 4 months last spring.  We’ve also been adjusting to some health issues with each one of my children. So I obliged Gods request and stayed dormant these last 12+ months.

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But I’ve ideas swirling in my head for quite awhile.  But God kept nudging me to back off and rest. So I did.  And it’s been AWESOME!! (btw, the Lego Movie song “Everything is Awesome” is totally going on in my head now. )

So, when you rest your body, your mind, your soul for soooo long,(it felt like an eternity for a writer), you just have to jump back into the online world with both feet into that cold water.

I’ve been reading books, enjoying time with my family, writing posts in my head to clear thoughts, re organizing and becoming a minimalist.(that’s another post entirely.)

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So coming back online I have definitely found that I have to have a routine.  I have family time(SAHM), me time (to take care of my soul and heart), and time with my husband. (for the obvious reasons)

Mostly, as a mom I take my ME hours seriously.  I have to have them every week and at least some EVERY Day!!  These are usually worked in through my fringe hours.  While I’m cooking dinner, between kids showers, between house projects, between school and therapy meetings.  These are SACRED times, valuable times, and they should be.

So when I was asked to pre-read Jessica Turners new book The Fringe Hours I knew it was kismet.  It is such an amazing book.  Through the book Jessica helps you to discover Your fringe hours, helps guide you through them and how you can use them.  I learned so many things about myself.  She asked questions that would pull answers about myself I didn’t know I had.

It’s a great reminder for me how I need to be more intentional with cultivating community.  I need to live well with others, for they are my brothers and sisters in Christ.  In any relationship we each have something to give and you can find those things about yourself and create a loving community around you.

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I just adored this book and would definitely recommend it to any woman out there looking for their fringe hours.  It could be you don’t think you have them, or you just need to know what to do with them.  But whatever you do, Renew and Relax, find out what your fringe hours are and Make Time for them!  It’s important for yourself, your family, and your relationship with our God.

Now, I would really love to know when you have fringe hours!
What do you do with them?
(eat pie in the closet, sleep, read, clean?)  I really would love to know…..

 

2014 My Favorite Things Giveaway!

**This giveaway has ended**

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I’m joining with some of my favorite friends on the

internet to giveaway some of our favorite things!

 

I’m so excited about this.  I love giving away things to my friends, and these are just a few things that I love.  Maybe I’ll do an after Christmas giveaway too. We shall see.

Well, this was/is a big year for me.  I went through and am going through lots of things, and God just keeps on teaching and guiding me through all of it.  It’s been rough but good and I’ve been trying to find my so called “sea legs” back in the online writing world.

I found myself in a group of good friends.  A ‘mastermind’ group as some call it.  A group of women that support each other through their God given callings, love on one another and grow in friendship.  It’s amazing really and I encourage you to find your own group of friends to start one, or maybe you can find one to join.  These women are there when I have ideas, need encouragement and have become a great source of love.

Head on over to each of these gals blogs to find out more about them PLUS their own giveaways!

NOW for the Giveaway…..YAY!!

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*Here are a few tips if you want to start up your own group:

  1. Don’t be afraid to ask some bloggers that you admire if they are interested in joining you in a mastermind group.
  2. Keep it small and encourage and learn from one another.
  3. Listen to this podcast with Kat Lee & Trina Holden: How to Start & Run a Mastermind Group
  4. Read this post by Amy Lynn Andrews: Why You Should be in a Mastermind Group